There’s a lot that I realized I need to learn when it comes to running. First off, it’s hard.

I ran two miles this last Monday, and it took me 26 minutes. I ate right before the run with a less than half scoop of pre-workout, and I quickly regretted it. My stomach cramped so bad I thought I would throw up and poop myself. 

My boyfriend ran along, sliding me, pulling my arm forward every time I slowed down. I didn’t think I’d make it all the way, and I didn’t really. I went four laps around the track before I started to walk each time I wanted to catch my breath. It seemed to make sense in my head to stop running when I got tired or out of breath, but my boyfriend said otherwise. He told me that I needed to catch my breath while I ran, but I felt like that was impossible. It was hard for me to breathe. I seemed to be breathing insanely hard yet very shallow. Overall, it was all very new. I didn’t realize that I needed to pay attention to my breathing, my steps, even my posture. At the end of the two miles, I realized how much better it could’ve gone, but it definitely helped me learn.

Two days later was my next run, and fortunately, it was very different. I was supposed to run another two miles, and I can’t explain how much I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to run ever again. A part of me wanted to totally forget about the half marathon altogether. Then I knew I needed to because of how much I didn’t want to.

The day prior, I felt the same way about going to the gym. I was exhausted, but I already planned to go, so I bit the bullet and went without thinking too much about it. I only lifted for about an hour, but I got myself there. I realized that when I try to get myself to the gym early or go for a run, when it comes time, I tend to talk myself out of them. I would make excuses. So the day I had to run those two miles, I implemented that mindset, no thinking, just doing. I told myself to just drive to the gym, and I did. Thinking leads to excuses, and excuses lead to zero accomplishments.

At .4 miles, I thought there was no possible way I could make it to two. I kept thinking to myself that it was too long and I couldn’t do it. It was starting to get to me, the entire time I was looking forward to any excuse that could get me to stop. And then my shoe untied, it was like an answer to my prayers. Not really, I actually prayed for help. I did end up stopping to retie my shoe and walked for about 20 seconds before I sped up again. At first, I played with the idea of stopping and only running the mile, but once I hit a mile, my mind got a bit clearer, and I committed myself to finishing. I found it comical that after I committed myself, I started to get side stitches and calf cramps. I slowed down to a walking pace, but I remembered what my boyfriend told me on our first run, “You don’t have to walk, just slow down your pace”. That is exactly what I did. I sped up to a slow jog and didn’t walk again until I completed the two miles. I would catch my breath and then speed up, and when I got tired, I would just slow down again. Figuring out how to pace myself and being conscious of my breathing was a game-changer. I would breathe in three counts and then out three counts, matching them with my steps. I was able to get enough oxygen and also keep my heart rate down. It felt so much better. I was so tired and low at the start of that day, but after I ran those two miles, I felt on top of the world. I was so proud of myself for completing the two miles, and it gave me well-needed confidence.

I ended the first week of training with a three-mile run. I really didn’t think that I could do it. I could barely run the two miles. Again, I decided to not think, just do. I went outside and started running. I began the run with a small prayer, asking for the courage I needed to complete the run. Thirty-nine minutes later, three miles were completed, and I didn’t walk or stop a single time. I don’t think it was a coincidence that the first time I genuinely prayed for help, I was able to run without stopping. 

Week one is complete, and we have thirteen more to go. It’s a constant battle to get myself to run, to have the confidence that I can, but I do it anyway. I can push past my self-doubt, but it’s a constant battle. The true secret is not just acting first, but God’s ability to strengthen me after I do so.

Do first, strength, and motivation come after?